Processing sexual abuse is a lot of work

Test coping process

You are about to fill in the questionnaire about the coping process of sexual abuse.
After filling out the questionnaire you will get a detailed result about how far you are in this process.

Please read this text carefully before filling it in. Then you know what you are getting into. Do not take it lightly.

Processing sexual abuse is work. This test asks questions about many topics that come your way in the healing process. The score makes it clear how far you have come and what you still have to do.
The results can be very confronting and while filling in the test a multitude of feelings can surface.

The list serves to make you more aware of all the items that play a role in sexual abuse and coping with it. It shows what has already been done but also what has not yet been done. It gives you a foothold in what you still can / must do to move forward. You may experience this as very unpleasant. However, this is not a competition. At the end, you receive a guideline that you can use to move forward. It is meant to help you in the process. Know that sexual abuse is an assault on your soul and the damage is not repaired overnight.

People who have been sexually abused as children all have the same problems and complaints. Getting through these problems and leaving the abuse behind requires a lot of work. The questions on this list address exactly the issues that need to be addressed and worked through. The most common issues for men are shame, guilt, secrecy, loneliness, questions about being a man/woman and sexual identity (am I straight, gay, pedo).

Effects of completing this survey
Confronting, recognition. “So that’s part of it too.” Filling it out can be confronting. You come further into contact with the damage that was done by the sexual abuse. The questionnaire is constructed in such a way that it follows the processing curve from living above the abuse to completing the processing process: giving meaning to the experience in your life. This means that even as you fill in the list, you realise more about how many areas the abuse has affected. You are brought into contact with what is going on inside you in terms of unresolved questions, confusion and pain.

Being able to face this and daring to do so is part of the process.
How far have you come in coming to terms with sexual abuse? By having dealt with it we mean:

• the experience is in your history, no longer in the news
• you can talk about the experience with ease
• you no longer feel guilty
• you are no longer ashamed of it
• you are fully involved in life
• you are in control of your sexuality
• you know your sexual orientation
• you can survive conflicts and they help you to move on
• the perpetrator is no longer decisive in your life
• you can forgive or accept him
• you are no longer at the mercy of your desire for recognition
• you can acknowledge yourself

Disclaimer 
This list is not intended as a diagnostic tool but as an aid to get in touch with topics related to sexual abuse. For the vast majority of men who were sexually abused as boys, the topics listed are part of the healing process. If they are not worked through, they hinder the progress of this process. They then continue to block the path to freedom.